Oh yes, This is Happiness. :)

So. Guess what? I'm getting married in 17 days. Woo! I'm so happy and excited, and totally in love, and excited and jittery and so, so ready! I always thought I'd be a total wreck of nerves in the weeks leading up to getting married, back in the day when I thought getting married was going to happen in another five years from now. But, it's happening now, and I'm not nervous at all. Kyle is amazing, I'm amazing, and together we're super ultra awesome. What is there to be nervous about?

Now, yes, I know, marriage is not the magical cure-all. I know life is still going to be challenging and I'm still going to get stressed out. And sometimes those challenges are going to happen because I'll be married (gasp!). Two different people are bound to have problems when they mesh the tangles of their separate lives together. But guess what? Those difficulties are opportunities to learn more about each other and grow together. They won't feel happy or good when they happen, but after we work through them we'll be stronger and happier. And guess what else? The rest of the time those challenges and stress are going to be the results of living life, and when that happens I'll have my best friend right next to me to help me through.

I'm so, so ready to begin this next chapter. It's going to be so legit, awesome, wonderful, amazing, and happy. Totally. Ready, set, go. In 17 days. :)

Hear My Song, and Hear My Heart

Music calls to my soul like very few things can. Berthold Auerbach said, "music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life." Berthold Auerbach was a German-Jewish poet who lived in the 1800s, and from this quote I know he is a kindred spirit. No matter what mood I'm in--dark, light, happy, frustrated, totally apathetic--music calls to me and awakens something right next to my heart. It is almost like I'm going through life in a black, gray, and white state, and then I hear something beautiful and suddenly I can see and appreciate colors again. All music strikes something in me--I think this is why I tend to lean towards happy, beautiful, thoughtful, and witty music. It isn't that angry music doesn't do anything for me, it's that it reminds me of everything I could be bitter about. I try to stay away from feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness, but these thoughts are just too overwhelming when I hear unhappy music. It wakes me, but it wakes my fears, angers, and lost hopes. So, instead I listen to He is We and Owl City. Naturally not all of my music is happy go lucky--actually some of my favorite songs are also the most tragic ones I've heard, like Too Beautiful, Radio, or Kiss it all Better by He is We, or Fin by Anberlin, or the Highwayman by Loreena Mckennitt. But these songs don't make me feel black inside--it's more of a swirly blue color. They make me ponder life and the purpose of existence. Music is emotion. It is truth unhindered by words. It is love, life, pain, and existence all wrapped into something lovely. I love the quote, "Hear my song and hear my heart". I don't know who said it, but whoever it was must have pulled the words straight out of my soul.

Reality Check

Every now and then I read an article about refugees living in Israel, or about people who single-handedly disarm landmines in foreign country sides. These people have come through crazy, tragic, and truly hard situations, and they're still fighting to keep living. I know it's pointless, but I can't help but wonder how I would come through such experiences. Would I make it, a little heart-sore and tired, but still strong? I don't know. I credit myself with being a survivor--a person who keeps going no matter what--but compared with the incredible people whose struggles I can only imagine... I don't know. Sometimes after I read these articles I review what I've seen as trials, and I kind of have to laugh at myself. Of course I made it through, of course I'm fine. My pride in being a survivor collapses in on itself. The only disaster I've managed to survive so far has been myself. No one's trying to kill me or my family and friends. No one's stealing my freedom. Maybe I would make it through civil war and brutal discrimination, but I don't know. Honestly, I hope I never have to know.

Whimsical Genius

This is a wall in Germany that plays music when it rains--basically it goes through the funnels and pipes and voila: music! Someday I'm going to build my dreamhouse, and along with my spiral staircasey library, I'm totally going to design the outside walls so that they play music. Maybe I'll do something with pipes and wind too--so that it'll make music when it isn't raining. Basically though, what I'm trying to say, is that this is just awesome. Yup. If there were a recipe for what this is, it would go a little like this:
A heap of Awesome
3 handfuls of Genius
And like 6 liberal dashes of Whimsy.
Oh yeah, and a few pipes, funnels, and a wall. :D

Yup, this is Heaven.

So. Basically I want to live here. Ever since I learned to love books I've wanted my own library, and loft libraries have always been my favorite. This though totally tops loft libraries. First of all, because it has different levels! So many books! Next is the spiral staircase. Right beside my love of books is my love of boxes, clocks, sea shells, lockets, and spiral staircases. I LOVE spiral staircases, and this is amazing! Wow. Really, when I die I think Heaven is going to look something like this. :D

Cozy Little Shack, Right?

Sometimes (probably less often than you would think, but still frequent enough) I really just want to live somewhere like this. Nice, quiet, pretty, and most importantly, in the middle of nowhere. It isn't that I dislike people, I just really want to get away from absolutely everything sometimes. And if I could choose any place to get away, it would probably be a little run down shack by a pond in Ireland. Or Scotland, or Wales. Really, just somewhere else where no one would care or know that I was there. Kinda like the old hermits in myths. I could help lost people every now and then, but for the most part just live my life in solitude.

Okay, yeah, I know I would get tired of this after a couple of weeks. I actually kinda like people and eventually I would miss them again. So maybe I'd just want to own the little shack in the middle of nowhere so that I could visit it whenever I wanted to. Until then I suppose I'll just keep reading and writing when I need to get away. :D

Star Gazing

I came across this poem the other day:

When I hear the learn'd astronomer,
When the proofs, the figures, were ranged in columns before me,
When I was shown the charts and diagrams, to add, divide, and measure them,
How soon unaccountable I became tired and sick,
When I sitting heard the astronomer where he lectured with much
applause in the lecture room,
Till rising and gliding out I wander'd off by myself,
In the mystical moist night-air, and from time to time,
Look'd up in perfect silence at the stars.
-Walt Whitman

Basically I don't have any crazy deep thoughts about this poem right now, it just resonates in my soul, you know? In Other Words: I just think it's beautiful. :D

Explanation

Intro blogs tend to be the standard for the first entry, so I'll keep with tradition for now. This blog is intended to document my random thoughts, discovered truths, and the bits of whimsy that make me me. So, here we go. :)