Racing

Sometimes I get a little jealous of people who have cancer.  It's a win/lose battle for them--they survive or they die.  Eventually my diabetes is going to get me, and it's probably going to take my eyes, kidneys, and mobility first.  No matter how well I manage it, I can never get rid of it and eventually it's going to kill me.  People with cancer, on the other hand, have a battle that only lasts at most for a few years.  Either treatment and medication works and they go on living, or it doesn't and they die.  When I settle my jealous thoughts down though, I realize both kinds of diseases are really just races.  Diabetes is like the 2 mile, and cancer's more like the 200 meter.  Cancer is a crazy hard battle that takes some very heavy strength and courage--it's over faster but it also takes a lot more out of the people who deal with it.  Diabetes is a longer battle and things go wrong slowly instead of all at once.  It takes strength, but it's the tomorrow-has-to-be-better kind of strength, rather than the I-can-get-through-at-least-one-more-day kind of strength.  I don't know if anything I'm writing makes sense, and I know being jealous of someone else's medical condition is a seriously warped the-grass-is-greener-on-the-other-side type of mental dysfunction.  Sometimes I just wish I could get everything over with.  But then I remember that while diabetes gives me a long time to figure out life, cancer can quickly cut life off whenever it strikes.  When I think about it like that, I'm glad I don't have an ultimatum like cancer looming over me.  I know plenty of people survive it these days, but plenty of people still don't, and I would rather have years of minor issues while I live life instead of a few weeks/days/hours left to say goodbye.